The (bumpy) Road to Your Happily Ever After

 This quote by C.S. Lewis is one of my favorites. I’ve always liked it but in the last few years, it’s developed new meaning for me. Now, don’t think that I’m being arrogant. Yes I’ve had some “character building” moments but I want to make two things very clear.

1.       I realize that just because I’ve faced some trials that have been extremely difficult for me doesn’t necessarily mean that I’m destined for greatness. And besides, greatness can mean many different things to different people. A teacher who gets paid very little but works hard to make lasting impressions on the children in her class, in my opinion has achieved greatness. There are many other examples, but you get the idea.

2.       I also fully and completely recognize that there's always someone who’d love to trade their trials for mine. We’ve all faced death, sadness and loss of some kind. As bad as it may seem at the time and no matter how big my pitty party is, I know there’s someone who’s suffered more than I have.
 

It’s my belief that our trials neither make nor break our destiny. I believe it’s HOW we respond to those challenges that determines whether we go on to greatness or not; whether we grieve, learn, adapt and emerge stronger and more determined, or simply get by day to day or even worse, never recover and become a shell of the person we once were.

I know of people who've  gone through things in their life which would probably have crippled me. I respect them for being able to get out of bed in the morning at all. I realize sometimes that’s the best we can do. I get it, or at least I’ve tried to understand. However, there’s another group of people who are able to face their challenges in a different way. Their goal isn’t to survive their trial, but rather to conquer it! To learn from it, to look inside themselves and, like a caterpillar, emerge from the cocoon of their tragedy a bigger, better, stronger “caterpillar” of determination. Armed with the knowledge that they might get pummeled and might doubt themselves for a time, but that in the end, they’ll survive and even persevere.

I think people who are greatly tested AND respond as I’ve described above, MUST be rewarded. Call it justice, Karma, or blessings from the Lord, whatever you want, I think it’s the truth. Maybe I still believe in a universal Santa Claus. You know, if you’re good all year, it’s only fair that you have presents under the tree kind of thing? Perhaps I just have blind faith? I don’t think so though. See, I’ve read too many books by people much smarter than me who believe the same thing. And more importantly, I’ve seen it over and over again in my life and in the lives of others.  

In my humble opinion there is a huge section missing from many stories and movies about people who’ve had trials or great difficulties. Many of them skip past the part where the individual doubts themselves, want’s to quit, believes it’s unfair, is full of rage and anger, etc… I think too many shows fast-forward past that part. You get the old, “within six months, John Smith had recovered from complete devastation and was happily married, had a baby on the way, and millions in the bank.” Don’t get me wrong, that’s very inspiring and I used to love those movies and stories. However, since I’ve experienced a few challenges now, my weakness are much more evident. I thought I was stronger, I always thought I’d bounce back like those people who used to inspire me, but that hasn't been how I've felt while going through my challenges. 
However, as I've gained some perspective, I’ve recently realized that perhaps I am just as strong as those people. Perhaps you are too. Maybe we’re just in the part of the story that was skipped when they made the movie and before we know it, we’ll be living our happily ever after?

The point is that if you’re struggling, if you look in the mirror with disappointment, if you marvel at how “they” can do it when you’re still harrowed with guilt or sorrow or remorse or anger or whatever it is that plagues you, here’s the reality; you are so much stronger than you think. Everyone else who has faced your trial is probably struggling just as much as you are, you just can’t see it. You don’t see them when they lose control and completely breakdown. That part is most likely not shared with you.

Here’s the other reality; You don’t know about the conversations people have about YOUR strength. You don’t see the looks of disbelief from others when you pass. You don’t hear the whispers of praise at the inspiration you are to them. You have no idea, but I promise you it’s happening. All you know is how hard it feels to you, but all others see is your strength.

I used to think I was weak because of my need to read inspirational books to keep my attitude up. If I don’t, my positive outlook fades fairly quickly. I’m like a bucket with holes in the bottom. I have to constantly refill my mind with positive affirmations, quotes and inspirational stories. Now, over the last two years, I’ve had two surgeries on my left knee. It’s all but healed now and I can do most everything I could before the injury. However, as I rehabilitated it, I quickly became aware of just how much strength, flexibility and endurance I’d lost. I liken this experience to my attitude. Just as my body lost strength without constant exercise, my positive attitude suffers and declines without frequent feeding.    

I viewed my need for constant “feeding” as weakness my entire life. It wasn’t until a person came into my life who saw and pointed out these things, that it occurred to me (yes, I’m that slow). She saw perseverance where I saw weakness. She allowed me to give myself some credit. She showed me that this isn’t weakness, it’s self-awareness, and she was (as usual) 100% correct! A world champion weight lifter or runner isn’t weak because they have to constantly train to keep their level of strength or endurance. They are winners! They are champions who know what they have to do to keep on winning and they do it day-after-day. They train when their sick, or tired or don’t feel like it. I now see my determination to keep a positive outlook. I recognize that in some small way, I’m like those champions, in that I see what I want to accomplish and do what is required to achieve my goal.  

My hope is that as you read this post, your reaction was “duh,” or you thought to yourself something like “thanks for pointing that out Captain Obvious.” That would make me so happy. I hope that you’ve given yourself credit for your strength and fortitude your entire life. BUT… if you happen to relate with some of the things I’ve thought or felt about myself, then I hope you’ll begin to recognize just how much stronger you are than you think. It’s not arrogance to see and recognize your tenacity and resolve. Take a step back and look at how far you’ve come. And most importantly, if you’re currently struggling to even keep your head above water... you can do it.

A great man told me something when I was really struggling and lacking faith. He said, “If you don’t believe that you’re strong enough to handle this trial right now, I want you to know that I have 100% faith that you CAN. And if you need to borrow that faith for a while, then do it.” Those were priceless words to me at the time. When I felt like giving up, I remembered his words and it gave me hope. It’s not weakness to “borrow” someone else’s faith in you for a while if you have to.

Lastly, remember that almost all the people who’ve achieved great things, at one time or another felt just like you do right now. As long as you don’t give up, you’ll get there and come out better and more resilient than you were before. You can be a champion too. You have it in you and you’ll find it when you need it most.

In the immortal words of Doree the fish, “Just keep swimming, just keep swimming.”

Until next time…